other than jeans

2008-04-23T20:38:00.001-06:00

without rain, nothing grows.

2008-04-09T13:45:00.013-06:00

this is a picture of one of the cherry blossom trees on the side of our house.

now i finally understand why my mom and dad have always loved me so much, always, no matter.
even if it was just for a short time, now i finally know and have felt the unexplainable, amazing feeling of a mother loving a child. and now i have gotten to witness my sweet husband loving as only a father can.

after a long (and now looking back at it) impatient 2 year wait for pregnancy, god gave us a quick practice round of being parents for the past couple of months. (and i might add, after all of the so called infertility mess - - this happened naturally!)
so not unfortunately, but just because.... this pregnancy ended with miscarriage. not outweighing the heavy heartbreak of that is the confirmation that now we really do know that we can and will love a child someday.

the details of the happiness of the past couple of months and the heartache of the past couple of days doesn't matter right now, but has been tucked away as priceless memories and lessons.
i am not writing today to lay that all out, although you all know that we are not shy, and an open book.
i am writing, for one, to "spill", as you know by now is one mean of healing for me.
but even more important than a good healing spill for me, is an overwhelming desire to make sure that the people that love us know how taken we are by how much you care. how much you love on us. how blown away we are about how amazing our family and friends are.

last week, when we came home from our second dr's appointment, (the first one for matt, as he was still in india for our first ultrasound)... matt and i just sat together for quite a long time. one, just to be alone, two, not knowing WHAT to do next, and three, waiting for a phone call from the dr.'s office with some blood work confirmation.
after the call came, we called both matt's and my mom. we weren't able to reach matt's mom at work. when we got my mom, i couldn't even finish my sentence to her before she said, "i'll be right there."
she loved on us only like a mom can, then she called her troops one by one. little sister came from work, big sister called and then came quickly, brother and father were right behind. matt's mom called from work. matt found his dad later that evening. and then the brother in laws who are brothers came, and the aunts, uncles, cousins and our last 2 grandparents (the 91 year old granfather reassuring "it's going to stick next time)... all right behind.
we were physically and emotionally surrounded and protected. that safe and secure feeling that is alittle hard to explain. but we all know what it feels like.
so we got through that day and night surrounded.
and then the next days, we little by little got the strength to let friends know by some way or another.
and some of those days, we were seeking out to talk, and other parts of that day and the days that have followed.. we closed in and hibernated.
but through the seeking out and needing and the closing the front blinds and just crying..... our family and friends never have left our side.
calling, but not expecting a call back.
calling again.
and again.
giving us comfort via words, not knowing if you said the right thing, so then putting more words in a card in the mail.
stopping by to get us out of the house, or leaving a mister misty freeze while i was sleeping off the anesthesia.
leaving orchids for me to wake up to.
sending emails with loving concern and promising reassurance.
coming home to matt's favorite spaghetti casserole dinner.
and literally on and on and on and on and on.

i can't explain clearly enough how much we love our family (all of them) and friends, who are our family. but i am trying in all of the jumble above - -and i hope you can feel our most heartfelt "thank you."
and what we have experienced in the past week makes me more tongue twisted than ever, and more mind boggled and more.....
in love, with my husband.
thank you matty. we are a good team.
we can get through anything, as long as we are together.

ahhhhhh.
i feel better now, for now.
(thank you for listening...)
love
c

happy birthday lale and jackson

2008-04-01T10:42:00.006-06:00

born 5,431 miles apart and 7 years apart - my dog and my sister's dog were born on the same day.

today should be a happy birthday for lale, because it is almost a miracle that she is still alive.
she has lived through a 24 hour plane ride from turkey to the states in the cargo space with terrible turbulence. (my justification that she is crazy and anxiety ridden 4 years later..)
she has lived through jumping ALL THE WAY through 2 of our front windows in our house, both close- to- original windows, probably one hundred years old.
she has lived through eating 2 boxes of d-con rat poison. (this incident the doctors said that there would be no way she would make it through...)
and she has lived through her bark collar malfunctioning and burning through her neck and larynx.
what?????????? i know.

meanwhile, it isn't as happy of a birthday as she thinks. her cousin dog and best friend has approached his 14th birthday today.
he was almost as equally rambunctious in his youth as lale...
running at full speed into trees to head butt them, wearing TWO electric fence collars because he loved to run through the line and get shocked, and daily, emptying out our mom's beautiful planters to make himself a bed.
but today, his free spirit has somewhat diminished. he doesn't come to the vickers' front door to greet guests anymore. he is tired. but, hopefully, he is not hurting, and is at peace.

for those of you who have known me my whole life, you might say that you would never think i would be writing about dogs, much less have my own dog.
but the companionship that jackson gave my sister for the past 14 years warmed my heart finally, about 7 years ago. he was physically, mentally, emotionally, REALLY, my sister's best friend. i was lonely in turkey, and tried a dog for my friend. it changed my life forever.

happy birthday to our lale. happy life to our sweet jackson.
***********************************************************************************
tuesday night update: susan and mike's and mm's sweet jackson died this afternoon.

march 29. 7pm central std time. EARTH HOUR.

2008-03-26T11:34:00.002-06:00

About a year ago, Sydney started a trend of turning off your lights for one hour in a show of support for protecting our environment. Soon after, London, San Francisco quickly followed suit. One year later, the organizers of Sydney’s Earth Hour feel that one city at a time doesn’t really cut it anymore. Which is why this year’s event is going global, with cities from every continent, including the US, participating in what promises to be the largest ever show of solidarity in the world on March 29th for Earth Hour.

The even is organized by the World Wildlife Fund International. Last year’s event in Sydney drew the participation of 2.2 million people, and it is obvious that the organizers are expecting a much larger number to participate. The idea is as simple as it sounds. On March 29, 2008 at 8:00p.m. local time, every participant city will encourage businesses, community leaders and individuals to turn out their lights for one hour. So who is participating in the event? Aalborg, Aarhus, Copenhagen and Odense in Denmark; Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney in Australia; Suva in Fiji, Manila in the Phillipines, Tel Aviv in Israel, and in the North American side, Toronto and Chicago.

“Earth Hour will send a strong signal that people all around the world are deeply concerned and expect their leaders to take action before it’s too late,” said WWF Director General James Leape. “Climate change is a global challenge that requires global solutions and it’s clear that the people of this planet are ready to get involved and find the answers.”

excerpt taken from www.inhabitat.com

dear matty. make a wish..... and blow out your candles!

2008-03-14T19:46:00.007-06:00

i love you (more than so much.)
i hope this is the only of your birthdays ever that i won't be with you.
enjoy your birthday bash in bangalore. make it a day you will never forget.
take pictures for me.
happy birthday honey!

not borat?

2008-03-02T20:54:00.004-06:00

ok. here's the deal. i was going private - - but cannot, until someone tells me who lives in uzbekistan.
borat lives in kazakhstan, but who that i know lives in uzbekistan?
please tell me. it's driving me crazy. if you don't have an account to comment to me, please email me @ carrie@sightsdenim.com.
maybe an old friend from turkey? just let me know who you are!

epsom salt

2008-02-28T22:09:00.003-06:00

how on earth has it taken me 33 years to know about an epsom salt bath?
my sisters tease me relentlessly about being so savvy in regards to "products" - - - but i swear i never have known about this perfect miracle bath.
if you know me or read this blog, you know that i'm not too shy, so i'm not embarrassed to tell you that i had the 2nd most horrible hemorrhoid for the past week that about put me out of business.
matt's aunt suggested really hot baths. my brother suggested epsom salt with that.
he gave me a big jar of it that he and laura had stuck the last of their herbs in last fall.
i have done the bath atleast twice a day since last saturday. all i can say is: wow. it is amazing.
not just for my issue.... but i reallllly can tell a difference in my muscles and overall well being. i really mean this.

i might be the last to know about this one - - but just in case you haven't tried it, do so immediately. i don't do much of anything conservatively, and same goes for this new ritual. thank goodness a 4lb bag is only $2 or something crazy cheap like that.

what a week

2008-02-16T10:05:00.008-06:00

alittle bit of alot of things in the past week.....

my baby sister turned 30. we celebrated in a special way, that still could not match how special she is.

i spent the beginning of the week in colombia, south america. i had some unexpected extra time, because the collection i was showing customers got stuck in customs, therefore the trip was a waste, other than the pictures i got to take. i quickly became obsessed with the colors of the doors, the fruit and the cars. enjoy!

the new domino was on the newstand when i got back to the first airport in the states. i bought it, even though it would be at home in our mailbox. it's always fun to see our development and product in magazines - - but it's really fun to see it on the front cover of my favorite magazine. the jean on the cover is an earnest sewn... and it photographed very well. also - nice article on rogan on page.... i can't remember.

came home wednesday night, into a fury at work..... as our team was busy preparing for a big visit to present a brand identity and first season of product for this brand.
welcome to hendo, ky kenny chesney.
sorry, sas, that we had to keep it on the down-low. there are some crazy ass fans around here! somehow, the word got out - -and he was followed from the airport and back!

we are so exauuuuuuuusted after all of that.
so laying in bed on saturday morning drinking coffee!

oh - - -and.... i'm following the crowd and going private on this blog.
if you would like to continue to make this one of your blogging stops... send me a comment or email me @ carrie@sightsdenim.com
will do it in a week.

love,
c

boloramo II

2008-01-21T22:11:00.000-06:00

there is one place that matt and i never end up together. the bowling alley.
we had our second annual boloramo over the weekend.
first annual (last year) happened to be the first night that matt and i had been "out" in months and months, after settling in as married.
that night was a big date, big looking forward to it, big getting ready, big build-up to the night........ BIGGGGG fight. honestly, our only real argument ever, still to this day! he left my ass there and went home!
and now for the second annual... i miss him again. we all did.
photos courtesy of baldduderunning.blogspot.com. thank you, trey.
matt, i wish even more that we had pictures to send you of our yoga class on sunday. has anyone ever been to yoga with a guy that had badddddd gas? there were two boys in the room, and the toots weren't instructor trey's!
big love to you in india, honey.
we are almost home.

f yo minivan

2008-01-17T11:13:00.000-06:00

finally, a picture from matt and blake in india... titled, "f*&% yo minivan".
love you honey. hang in.

press 1 for if you are calling for....

2008-01-13T13:10:00.000-06:00

way before blogging, my method of releasing "yuck" was by writing.
let me get my thank you and apologies out of the way before i start:
thank you sheye, for giving me a listen to the song on your blog. it helped me realize my thoughts, so i borrowed it for my blog.
and then...
please forgive me, as i am choosing to write my yuck here, in hopes of feeling better after the last word is written.
and also i should preface by saying that this blog is not intended to be a sad blog. it is intended to be just wherever i am on the said day. and this afternoon, i still feel sad.
and the last apology: i am sorry to everyone that i love and loves me back soooo much that i have shut you out in the past few days. i just haven't been able to muster up the strength and hold back the tears to let you love on me.

i thought i was fortunate to have to be traveling for work almost the whole first month that matt is gone. i thought that i could leave sad at home, but it has followed me wherever i go.
i really have so much more to be content and happy and thankful about. the list is ENDLESS. but there are 2 things inparticular that fog my soul right now....
that is matt being gone and my "menses", as our fertility nurse calls it on her voicemail: "please press 1 if you are calling to report the start of your menses..." coming again. and i guess a third sadness: matt not being here for that. and i guess a fourth sadness: another month will pass, because he won't make it home in time for the next "o" (o=ovulation). (i should have forewarned all boys to skip this entry.)
i have never experienced something as draining as the monthly minute that all of the hopes are bust.
and it has drained me more than ever this month, because we both really thought this was it.
i am not mad at all of the ultrasound probing and shots in my stomach for a week and the shot in my ass that didn't work. i am just sad.
i am not mad that we have decided to not and cannot do invitro. i am just sad to wonder if that would be the only way...even if that.
i am not mad because it's almost been 2 years and because we are just alittle on the edge of "older". (i know i know... nicole kidman. but that doesn't help the sad!)
i am not mad, thinking it never will happen. i am just sad, because i don't understand what it going on inside of me.
i am not mad that it might NOT ever happen. i am just sad that we don't have any way of knowing if that is the case.
i am not mad at god for not answering our prayers....yet. i am just sad (and feel selfish) that i seem to pray more, just because of my yearning for this prayer to be answered. actually, i am reading a book right now about prayer, and it does say that it's just our human nature that we do this.
let me say that again. i am not mad at god. and really, in a backasswards way - that is my only relief in this all.
as much as my sadness represents my "wondering", and wanting to know, and needing to control it all.... that is my only solace... that i can't control it.
my solace is that even though as sadly as it takes me to get to this point... to realize and re-realize it, god has a plan for us.
i am not one to throw god in anyone's face. but today, i needed to re-realize this for myself.

sweetly sleeping....dreaming

2008-01-06T19:39:00.000-06:00

i feel like:
1) the girl in high school that wore her boyfriends' letter jacket even if it was daisy duke cutoff short, 90 degree weather day. she slept with a stuffed animal that we won her at the county fair. and she dedicated songs to him on fm 96STO.
and
2) the psycho version of the girl above that called and called and called and callllllled his phone repeatedly, even if he wasn't going to answer.
i don't remember being like either 1 or 2.
but here's my modern day connection with her:
1) i sleep on his side of the bed. i don't even un-make my side. i don't want to wash his pillowcase this week because it smells like his hair. i used his toothbrush this morning. (that's nothing new). i stare at this paintings. i cry when i talk to him. i cry after i talk to him. i laugh outloud when around someone or just alone, thinking about the thousand things funny his does. i look and look and look at the polaroids that we took on our new year's eve date and the next day when he left. (i posted them for you...alittle blurry bc/ he took the camera, so i took a picture of the pictures on my webcam!)
and
2) i listen and listen and listen and listen and lisssssten to the same song over and over again, one in-particular that he and his music soul mate wrote and recorded years ago.
i have had the most insanely bizarre dreams since he left. really, every night. nothing really about him, or me - just crazy ass bizarre. so, i wake up from the dream to get out of them. (i never remember my dreams previously?) and then i can't go back to sleep because i miss him. so then i think about his song. they wrote ronnie's tune before "us", and re-mixed it last year. i just pretend that he is singing to me.
i am writing ridiculously dramaticly premenstrually cheeeeeeesy right now, but damnit, i want to.
i miss him every minute. i love him in every way. i pray that he is sweetly sleeping....dreaming.
good night honey.
i feel better now.
(p.s. to all: if you want a more leg slapping diary of how it is when he's gone this month.... go to dirtbucket.)

merry holidays

2007-12-18T12:34:00.000-06:00

anyone that is in town saturday night... please come join us at home for an impromptu come in and out or stay all night holiday festive par-tay. 7ish would be great.
would love to see everyone. and would love to have everyone over before new years bc/ matt leaves for india for a month jan 1.
love,
carrie and matt

alittle about jeans but not really

2007-12-10T20:20:00.001-06:00

my only blogging goal a year ago was to create some outlet that had absolutely nothing to do with work.
did it! yea.
i would love to make an exeption tonight and share with my friends and family a couple of blogs that are work related, since i need to post on work blog tonight anyway. they are tied to personal friends - which makes me evern more happy to share with you.

first.
loomstateactnatural.blogspot.com

long story short - some of you know about rogan or have met him over the years during his trips to ky. he is a customer of ours, but most importantly a dear friend, who sometimes i forget is a customer and treat unfairly as a brother. i am happy to yell it from a blog rooftop that he won the CFDA award a couple of weeks ago. this is an extraordinary honor from VOGUE and CFDA (council of fashion designers of america), going to the top up and coming designer of the year. up and coming is alittle off - -bc/ he up and came already, but anyway....
he got a big sum of money which he won't keep for himself, a car and a watch, which is halarious, and a partnership with a mentor of his choice for a year. can't wait to know who he chooses.
rogan's brand is ROGAN... and then LOOMSTATE was born, and then EDUN with bono and his wife ali. back to loomstate. loomstate was born in the early 2000's, the love behind it being pure and organic. everyone might claim to be the "first" of anything, but really, rogan and his partner scott were visionaries in the sense of bringing organic cotton goods into the premium clothing market. i will never forget one time when rogan and scott came to istanbul to stay with me, during the dreamy inception stage of LOOMSTATE. i was so young and ignorant in rgds to understanding anything about organic goods, sustainability, responsibility...... at the time, i just knew that atleast if i were at home, i would be recycling cans and newspapers and glass coke bottles out of habit from my grandparents' and mom's training.
skip 7 years forward - and check out the loomstate blog, written by scott. he is one of the most passionate people i have every met when it comes to anything natural. enjoy.

and second.
6 degrees of separation, sortof.
inspirationresource.blogspot.com

we have worked with abercrombie design team off and on for years. one of our best friends and old co-workers worked for a/f before he came to kentucky to work with us. (hi pete. miss you.) a thousand (barely an exageration) of our design friends have made a tour at abercrombie for atleast a year. anyway - last summer, matt and i ran down to the bar on the night before my little sister's 10 year class reunion. her buddies were all in town. we caught up with one of her childhood friends, tracy, who matt also grew up with. tracy had the SWEETEST girl with him from california. we chatted for a long time... realized that we knew alot of the same people in the denim world, bc/ she is outposted in la, doing the conceptual design for abercrombie, and before that, urban outfitters. we hit it off... promised to get in touch with them anytime i would be in la, didn't do it ever, which i am notourious for.
one year later.
last weekend, tracy and michelle were in ky... so happy that they came to the art show. we have emailed back and forth after the fact. she is such lovely person and such an aesthetic inspiration, even just looking at her and talking to her. she was very kind to share with me her daily blog of color and graphic inspiration. she encouraged me to share with whomever. check it out.. inspirationresource.blogspot.com
she updates daily - - and i got happily lost in her links/"follow me" sidebar.

goodnight.

wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

2007-12-04T20:44:00.000-06:00

i didn't even remember the past month until i uploaded pictures tonight.
slow down. sssssllllllow down. sometimes i feel like i forget to breathe. actually - last week, i woke up in the middle of the night and thought i wasn't breathing. that is one of the anxiety-ridden symptoms that i have worked to not have.
so on sunday.... matt sensed as he always does, the need to sllllow it down. he ended my month with a massage therapist coming to our house late afternoon.
i don't want to continue to miss what's happening in all of our lives.
in the past month...
we spent the weekend in nashville with most all of our childhood friends. (thank you 1 month late, lackey's - for chili cookoff 07.)

we watched our best friends bring a healthy baby girl into this world.

we spent a wonderful thanksgiving thursday and friday with BOTH of our families.

we found atleast a short night to see some friends that were in for the holiday. still missed seeing so many. local bar til weee hours for thanksgiving pasts..... but this year, we settled for wiiiiiiiiiiii at home.

and then a hell 90 hour work week to debut a new collection, that despite the time it has taken for months and fever blisters it has brought - it was such a joy to put it together with my brother and dme/dg/bs/bg/rk/ss/kg/ab and all of our team.

and then somehow pulled of an art show and a birthday.

wiiiiiiii.
all of those occasions sound so precious now that i remember them. the list of stressful, which was just as long or longer last month and still now, disapates some when i remember to remember the times that happen. everyday.

my ring in a haystack

2007-11-18T21:06:00.000-06:00

this is matt, 2 hours after metal detecting my brother's back yard and sifting through a 10 large black garbage bag size pile of leaves.... all to find my engagement ring.
i love you matty.

bringing life back to the first street space.

2007-11-03T14:04:00.000-06:00

we were so more than pleased with the response to matt's show in august.
at the end of the closing night of his show... we stood with friends and family in the space and were really sad to think of letting the space go. those emotions and then many conversations of "what if...." led to dinner with cousins to dream about 314 first street, then meetings with downtown henderson project.....which led to brainstorms of rejuvenating our sweet little vacant first street with art and music and food, which coincided with investors in our town wanting to help make something happen downtown, to........
on and on. the thoughts and talk is endless. sometimes this stuff happens and sometimes it doesn't. (it will though!) everything we have talked about are big projects with long term goals. matt and i (and our dhp friend) are impatient, though.... so we thought to put another show in the first street space. the owner of the building was AGAIN gracious to donate the space. wow.
we believe that this show is a night that NO ONE will want to miss.

the night will feature 4 artists, all specially different enough, but earily perfect together. (and none of the 4 being matt.)
there are too many reasons why you have to come support these 2 guys and 2 gals. one of the artists, along with selling his photography, will be debuting his book, "dirty henderson". absolutely lovely. actually - - - i'll stop there and tell more about each of the artists in a later post.

we hope for a december cozy night of fun and enrichment for all. i would also highly encourage you to bring your checkbook. the mediums of art vary, as will the prices.
also know that this is not means of a business for matt and me. not for profit. the full sale of the art goes directly to the artists.
for now... we just want to keep alittle something going in the space on first street that was so good to us.

mark your calendar. december 1st. 314 first street. 6-10pm. spirits and hot chocolate! and one of the artists is also a vegan dessert chef. can't wait to see what she puts together for the show.
please come join us....
carrie and matt

happy halloween havoc at the eddmenson's. whewwweeee!

2007-10-30T18:28:00.000-06:00

my mom's attic

2007-10-17T21:01:00.000-06:00

my mom keeps everything. not in a hoarding or junk infested way. more like cataloged. and the cataloged categories are endless. but all usable.
*every book that any of us has every read or not read. (i would say thousands.)
*empty frames (hundreds) in case we ever need one.
*pencils. i think we only have 1 in our house. she has a drawer dedicated to them.
*fine stationery.
*crayons. boxes of.
*hangers.
*all fixtures from our childhood rooms (so we can have for our children's rooms if we want..)
*furniture (ok. this category could possibly be considered as a hoarding category.) but nevertheless, no one in my entire family has every had to buy a sofa. other than the one i had made in istanbul, bc/ i couldn't get one of hers over there.
*clothes. this category deserves it's own special blog. i cannot really even begin to explain to you what she has saved. and the condition of the clothes. amazing. every good dress, every good sweater, every good pair of wool pants, every skirt, every PAIR OF PAJAMAS. really, everything but shoes, because we all genetically have stink feet.
back to every. when i say every... i mean every single good piece she ever put us in from the time we were born until pre-teen age. and all of this x 4 children. i really might dedicate a post to the clothes. girls toddler to pre teen are down from the attic right now for my brother and sisters to go through for their children. i am going to snap some pics. i bitched and bitched as a child because i was somewhat embarrased that we had fine clothes. how thankful i should have been. not because our clothes were nice, but because she was teaching us to take care of nice things.

saying all of this to say that.....
sometimes we give mom a hard time about her saving. my dad sometimes really does. and i have to say, in a way, bless his heart. he lives in a house with her and everything that she saves! but more than bless his heart... i would say "deal with it shithead". she has saved none of it for herself... but all for us.
in the past, she has either ignored or rebutted our suggestions for her to let some of it go.
but like everything she does... she does it in her own time, and historically - in the right time.
so in a very lady-like way, a month ago, she quietly and softly started letting some of it go.
it was really a big hurdle for her.
so, my sisters and i did it with her. (or atleast on day 1.)
we spent a morning in her attic. and know that this isn't the attic of our childhood home. this is 2 homes later... and this attic is just as our childhood home attic was for the first 18 years of my life.
i'm starting to ramble. but there are soooooooo many memories attached to all of this.
anyway..
the morning in the attic was nothing less than magical. i can't really explain it. and really, i don't want to. it was just a very special time for us with mom.

the reason i initally started writing tonight was to post about another category not yet mentioned that mom saved for us all.
junior high and high school year books.
in mom and dad's library, there are 2 shelves dedicated to just this. all of mom and dad's, all of bart's, all of shara's, all of mine, and all of susan's.... other than one that has always been missing: her 7th grade year book.
it was for some reason in the attic in a box.
mom dropped it off at susan's house. susan must have taken a quick cruise through it. she called me pretty quickly after mom brought it to her to read me an entry.
to set up the story:
susan was in 7th grade.
matt was in 9th grade...9th grade at that time still at the junior high.
susan "went with" matt's best friend, so susan and matt were friends.
matt "went with" susan's best friend alittle and my best friend alittle.
matt's best friend was my best guy friend.
so, we were somewhat distant friends through girlfriends and sister and best guy friend.
i was in 10th grade... first year at the high school.
you can read matt's entry to susan above in the image. click on it if you want to read it bigger.
i didn't have any reccolection of being in florida with matt.

fast forward 15 years later (now 3 1/2 years ago)....
matt told me the night that we left the world of only being friends and entered the world of admitting that we loved each other, that he had always loved me. i love to remember and think about when he told me that. sometimes, i feel like a little child asking him about it, just like a child would say to their parent... "tell me the story about when i was born".
it was a cold chill, happy tears moment when i read matt's entry in susan's 7th grade year book.
matt is so over me telling the story to everyone... but to me it's like digging up a time capsule about the beginning of us.

still rambling all of that to say this to my mom. i hope she is reading.
thank you mom. thank you for saving all of the categories, such as the year book. thank you for trying to instill that in me. as you know, i fall more on the hoarder side, and don't properly category my saves. i have made major progress over the years, though! one of my solutions and coping for the past several years is to get rid of and have less. that works for me now. sometimes i love living more simply, but other times i regret not saving memories. but, hopefully by the time that i am a mother, i will inately know how to do it just like you did. the way that you did it is just perfect to me.
the next eddmenson house project is to make a slide down ladder for our attic. i hope someday it is full of love like yours.
i love you.
c

me, my sister daryl and my other sister daryl

2007-10-14T13:25:00.001-06:00

who is christine? and who the hell is william sledd?

2007-10-04T15:41:00.000-06:00

funny story short....
last saturday night, matt won a very nice award in the ohio valley art league's "recycle II" show.
(yeah matt. love you and miss you! see you tomorrow...)
we went to the awards event at our local fine arts center, which was proceeded by a concert featuring christine ebersole. she is a tony award winning broadway chic.
anyway - - matt and i had hazel with us (matt's grandmother), so we did not plan to stay for the concert.
as we were leaving the fine arts center - - matt came and whispered to me, "oh my god. that is the you tube fashion boy." i had no clue who or what he was talking about. he shortly explained to me that there is a guy on you tube that reports on fashion. he had become an overnight wonder, apparently... picked up by late night shows and other talk shows. friends to celebs, and the middle names in fashion, all of the sudden.
so, i walked up to the little boy holding a vintage gucci bag and a water bottle (no water bottles aloud at the fine arts center), and reaking of smoke.... and asked if he was the you tube kid.
he said yes.
i asked why in the world was he in henderson, ky.
he said that he was here with christine... he was taking her to paducah, ky in the morning to meet his mom.
i said, "are you from paducah?"
he said yes.
and then i asked, "who is christine?"
and then matt diverted the airhead question and pushed me away.
he told the you tube boy... "oh.... check this out..." (trying to start a conversation.) "we develop and make some of the things that you report."
william sledd looked at matt like he was a stupid country bumpkin idiot... although so dapper in his rogan straight tie and a grandfather's sunday hat.
i thought to start to explain.
matt was alittle annoyed by the boy's arrogance.
so we left.

so attached is william sledd's denim edition, just as an example.
this kid has over 3 million hits just on this edition?
what????

congratulations to william sledd. cute success story.
glad i found out "who is christine..?"
and... glad i quit smoking after smelling him.
really.... just posting because i was sorry for anyone to look at that woman's anatomy on the old post below.
ce

the big blur

2007-09-10T11:30:00.000-06:00

sometimes i can't remember what happened yesterday, much less remembering what was going on in our lives weeks and months ago. i have to read my blog to remember what has transpired in our own life!

the last week inparticular was a big blur. but looking back on it, it is refreshing to remember that generally, i feel so much better and so much more encouraged and so much more comfortable right now about......
everything.

last week was back to crazy into the late night/into the wee hours of morning work schedule. i have been working on a new project for the past month or so. last week was somewhat the debut of the project. it was a real pleasure to watch it all fall into place. out of the thousand different scopes of our business that i have been a part of, this project is my favorite.

the crunch of the work week didn't give matt or me time to think about what we had ahead of us for the weekend. so, not until friday night at dinner, did we talk about and read the instructions for an outpatient surgery that i would have the next day.
so, saturday morning, we headed to the hospital that i had not been admitted into since i was born there 33 years ago!
first part went ok: putting the hospital gown on.
second part went quickly downhill. i warned the nurses when we arrived that i would possibly be the worst patient they had ever experienced. i told them that if they could follow my strict directions about the bloodwork and iv - then i would be an angel after that.
they worked with me. i told them that i had a special trick about the blood taking. asked them to use a blood pressure cuff instead of the turnicate that MAKES ME CRAZY. then, i asked them to go ahead and put the iv in at the same time they took the blood. WAHLA. they did it. the only person physically and emotionally injured during the event was matt. i had him in a head lock, smelling his hair, to get me through it. someday, i hope to not be so frightened by needles and vains, but for now, this is how i get through it.

long story short... (and to pick up where i left you off a couple of months ago), we had a laproscopy procedure and HSG on that saturday 2 days ago to clean some things up inside that our specialist thought possibly could be getting in the way of our hope to start a family. i don't know how he knew it via a consultation, but his assumptions were right on.
the procedure lasted about 2 hours, i think. he found endometriosis, which was his original assumption. he lasered that out. there were several cysts in my uterus, and a tumor on my right tube. meanwhile, he flushed my tubes. now, all of the above.... gone. he puts it probably alot easier than it might be, but he said that now the coast is clear. it's sortof a funny, out of body feeling. i have not been able to walk so well in the past 2 days, have been full of gas up to my ears, literally. i have 3 insisions in my abdomen. and i know that the doctor tells us now we are ready to go. the out of body part is that i feel like after all of that, we are ready for the baby. but then i remember, now we have to start again trying to have it!

but now, for some reason, the rush and the anxiety and the frustration and the sadness of the past year and a half is gone... or atleast for now. we feel so blessed to be "cleaned up". now, i think we finally are really able to be in the place where we have tried find for a while. just living and loving each other. i pray for others in this similar situation to always find this place, too.
this blog is an update to my dear friends and best family, a vow to myself to throw away the thermometer, and a reminder note to my partner and best friend: i love you.

thank you.

2007-08-26T15:41:00.000-06:00

today, we are overwhelmed by the love and support from our families and friends (who are our family, too) and our little town and the alittle bigger town across the river.
the outcome of INTANGIBLE THEORY matched up too perfectly with our goals for having the show in the first place.
there's no order of priority for why we did it. it just all is one long sentence, thought, reason.
he wanted to paint again.
i needed a project to keep my mind clear.
we hoped to create an occasion for people to have a reason to get out, and to feel enriched.
we wanted to find a group to give our money and time to. (jfk kids.... you win!)
all of the above was accomplished, but triple fold.
the most amazing feeling, which trumps all - - - was the circle that our family and friends formed around us to help us meet our little dream. it's just what family and friends do. but for some reason, we feel like our family and friends do it the best. we are just overcome with emotion.
can't wait to share what we have planned for the jfk kids. something for the whole town to enjoy. stay tuned!

with our love,
the eddmenson's

kids and spray paint

2007-08-22T06:36:00.000-06:00

“We see creativity as the essence of the human experience -- it shapes the future. It is the building block that connects our human experience to life itself, a core discipline for developing human potential.”

This mission statement is from Inner-City Arts, a nationwide program that supports the development of creativity and art in our nation’s inner cities.

As a very young artist, Matt hung out at Henderson’s JFK Center, and with his friends, painted a wall mural that is still there today. His experience at the center has contributed to his style and medium.

The JFK Center is part of the City of Henderson Parks and Recreation Program and affects 50 children a day thru programs in fitness, computer skills, and arts. From 2.30 to 5 pm every day, the Center is deemed a “safe place” for our community’s inner-city youth. The Center’s annual activities budget is $8,000.

Matt’s vision is to form a relationship with the JFK Center and initiate an inner-city art program in Henderson by teaching classes in his medium- stencil and spray. He will contribute 10% of the proceeds of this show for art materials and donate his teaching time to that cause.

Matt appreciates your interest in his work and how it relates to the creative development of Henderson’s youth.

art show space. before the work begins picture.

2007-08-11T18:09:00.000-06:00

314 first street.
8/24-8/25.
7p-11p
don't forget.

good morning, coffee

2007-08-06T21:15:00.000-06:00

i am so relieved to finally only be addicted to coffee, instead of cigarettes and coffee.
i've noticed lately that, before i go to bed, i think about what the coffee will taste like in the morning.
we stopped by the house this afternoon before matt took me to the airport....and on the front porch was the shipment that i dream about. 10 cans of santo domingo. it's already gone before we even open the box.
divying out priorities are...
2 cans for mike, because we gave him cans for his birthday, and i stole one back. (sorry it's taken so long mikey...).
2 cans to alex for house/lale sitting.
2 cans for work because nancy will not buy us good coffee.
2 cans for the art show coffee.
and 1 for you to crack open in the morning, matty. (good morning, honey.)
that leaves us with only 1 left.

go to cafebueno.com to order, unless you plan to be in the domincan republic anytime soon. if you are local - tag on to our next order!

yesterdays. this morning. today. and tomorrow.

2007-08-04T08:54:00.000-06:00

thinking about things that just are not right now.
fall in kentucky.
and summer in turkey.
all this must spawn from the too hot heat yesterday and today.
right now... i desparately want either the feeling of audabon park in october, or being IN the meditteranean every weekend in the summer.
i love seasonal feelings.
but then, i think how too fine we are, drinking our morning pot of coffee in our safe, lovely home.....with air conditioning. and then, maybe going to the pool later, if we want.
i was driving down main street yesterday, rushing matt back to the oral surgeon for the 3rd time to get his wisdom tooth thing re-sewn up. as we sat in our air conditioned car, we had to wait alittle longer than usual after the light turned green at a stoplight, because an overweight lady was barely making it across the street in the heat. she had dollar store bags in each hand, and was trying to make it to the bus stop (about 30 steps ahead). she was talking to herself, seeming alittle out of her mind. she was swaying, although still walking. i really thought she was going to pass out. matt was bleeding more than he should have been, so in no shape to get out to help her. i, on the other hand, was in mild shock. usually, i rush to help someone like that. but, i just watched her. felt like my mind was in slow motion. i guess i didn't instinctly react and get out of the car, because i think i knew she was going to make it to the curb and bus stop... (and she did). all i could think about in that slow motion mindset was how selfish my heat bitching had been all day. what was this lady going home to? maybe a cooled home, but maybe not.
yesterday, i hated the heat. and this morning, i want things and places that i can't have. now today, i want to re-re-realize how thankful i am. and next time, i'll get out of the car and help her across the street.

a date saver

2007-07-18T21:23:00.000-06:00

matt's art show.
put it on your calendar.
fun weekend event to end the summer.
the banana is yellow in real life. it might not make the show, as he painted scuba girl on the side of a dryer in the laundry at work!

tagged. stuff. head to toe.

2007-07-10T09:15:00.000-06:00

dear sas/in the life of 5 year olds,
what i am getting ready to gab represents the most vain consumption of STUFF.
in every chain letter, email foward, or anything participatory like that - - i am always the friend that doesn't reply.
i'm going to break that habit just once for you. i have to reply to your tag, because prior to having a husband and a budget, i was deeply intrinched in what girls call PRODUCTS. life as a grogan: remember when we used to get a sephora fed ex package every other week? now, i manage to sneak by just the neccessities, which i will detail below, as my favorite things. not REALLY my real favorite things. just my favorite product things.

my favorite things, head to toe, in the product category. whewweee. i get excited just thinking about it. this is ridiculous.

start. bath.

head.
FRESH soy shampoo.

the smell. wow. the shine. very good. the residue left in my horse hair of a head of hair. very little. honestly, i have never bought a bottle. the hotel where i stay in l.a. stocks the FRESH line in the rooms. i have stocked up on enough travel bottles to last me through the summer.

head. part 2.
i very rarely use conditioner. instead, i put this japanese oil in my hair. i don't really know if it even has a brand name. rogan got it for me over 4 years ago. i still have the same bottle, almost 3/4 full. i just get a dab every time i wash my hair... run it through my hair. it keeps it away from dry. i don't know if it really does that, now that i think about it. i think it's just a ritual.

face.

wow. i have tried it all. dermalogica. md formulation. murad. proactive. straight up basis soap. (horrible.) and most recently, patricia wexler. (not crazy about it.) my all time favorite, in regards to performance, smell, less steps, and price, is SAMPAR.
i use the DAILY DOSE FOAMING CLEANSER, EQUALIZING FOAM PEEL and the BARELY THERE MOISTURE FLUID.

eyes.
KIEHLS CRYSTE MARINE FIRMING EYE TREATMENT.

i keep it in my purse. i squint alot.. have tired feeling eyes. it hydrates me, for real.

skin.
2 things.
RED FLOWER LEMON COFFEE BLOSSOM OLIVE STONE SCRUB.

this is no exaggeration. i could eat it. it is the most lovely combination of natural things i could ever imagine. matt and i both have somewhat porus, troubly skin in our thirties. it keeps us both smooth as a baby's bottom. you can buy it on-line, or call directly the store on prince street in nyc. it is a quaint shop, as small as your kitchen. we visited with the guys that make the recipes for the products, and realized from them that it really is so natural, that we could make it ourselves. we keep talking about doing it. it is pricey - and i miss it, so this weekend, we are going to make our own version.

NEUTROGENA SESAME OIL.
i slather up with it after my bath, before i dry off. another ritual. have done it for years.

toes.
alittle picky about this.

one coat of ESSIE BALLET SLIPPERS. (2 coats is almost too dense/white.)

and one coat of CHANEL NAIL COLOUR COCONUT 17.
i love the combination of the two.
big problem coming soon. chanel discontinued coconut 17 several years ago. i used to buy a bottle everytime i came to and from istanbul in duty free, and am on my last bottle.

i am finished. i cannot believe i had this much to say about STUFF.
i don't have anyone to tag! tag........ DIRTBUCKET. this should be good. and HAGEN HAPPENS. and TRIATHAPETE. and BALDDUDERUNNING.
love,
c

garlic on ice cream and shallots on cereal

2007-06-28T15:27:00.000-06:00

we cook with atleast 4-5 cloves of garlic every night. really. i just like to punch the food with as much taste as possible. i think i also use so much because my turkish father mehmet ali eats raw garlic cloves by the handful. cooking with it makes me think of him and remember istanbul. he eats it by the handful for the medicinal purposes.

but lately, just as much as loving the garlic, we have loved the shallots.
shallots have a mild taste that combines the flavor of a sweet onion with a touch of garlic. i used to only occassionally buy them in place of onions, mainly because the local grocery store doesn't always have them, and when they do, they are a fortune.
brother and lk introduced us to one of the asian markets nearby. she sells a half-dozen for a dollar-ish!

they are dainty and pretty and bulb-y and such a delightful substitute for an onion.

the medicine made me crazy

2007-06-27T08:15:00.000-06:00

ahhhhhhhhhhh. or is it uggghhhhhhh? ohhhhhhhhhhhh. that's more like a deep breath. that's where i am right now.

i haven't written a word in this blog for months. tried to keep it somewhat active with pictures, but honestly, even that has been a struggle. i just haven't been able to utter anything down. when i have tried, the overwelming emotion is the same as when i have tried to talk for the past several months. waves of tears come. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. deep breath. feel the wave coming.
when i look back to see what i just wrote above.... i define depressed. but the past several months' pain is different from depression as i have known it. this wave doesn't keep me in bed, or inactive, or unable to focus, or eating less or more. this wave has, though, caused me to intravert alittle. this wave definition: i just feel really aware that i feel sad and anxious. feel the wave coming AGAIN. my lord. oh. and if it's not sad feelings, it's me jumping down someone's throat. waves of freak outs. i have never experienced anything like this in my life.
so.
i have tried to identify with myself/within myself for the past several days. first, i wanted to really realize circumstances that make me sad or anxiety ridden right now. that was a one minute task.
1. we are at the year mark of trying to conceive a baby. some people choose to keep this kind of struggle private, which i really do respect. but, we just aren't very private people. it's a once a month announcement to family and friends. "i started my period." i have done that since i was little.
2. the medicine that i take, because of not yet being able to conceive a baby. i think it really has made me chemically crazy.
3. friendships changing.
4. having to resort to "tough love" with someone that we love soooo much.
oh my. i forgot something else until just now. i kicked a smoking addiction several months ago. no wonder i'm such an bitch.
so, for me atleast, that is a load. it's physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
it's about struggles with myself...my body, not matt's. as he would tell you, his fertility test results equalled "i am strong like bull!"
it's struggles with God. when will it sink in to my thick skull that God will take care of us? as matt prays, "God, please forgive my unbelief."
it's struggles with friendships (nothing bad or mad. just changes. evolving.)
and it's struggles with someone that we love sooo much. (we love you, if you are reading.)

the influence of 2 sweet souls is what lead me in the past couple of days to take an inventory of my shit in my head, and now i'm spilling it all out in this blog.
my swedish cousin-in-law..
she is a long legged, red curly haired godess. her style: she cuddles up to you on a couch really close, looks you deep in the eyes, and asks softly - - really hard questions. last sunday - she pulled this on me unexpectedly. she indirectly forced me to think about what was going on inside of me. she sent me home with a list of authors that she revears. not really self-help type books. more like mind-body wellness references. my little sister and i went to collect some of the books yesterday afternoon. last night, i started reading "women's bodies, women's wisdom", by christiane northrup, m.d. the look of the cover really scared me. sometimes i buy or don't buy books, like i buy or don't buy wine. i have to like the label. anyway.... thusfar, the book really made me think outside of the box that i usually think in. that was really already an instant relief from the sad and anxiety ridden feelings. sometimes, i guess we just get stuck. i have been so stuck, in regards to not having a sweet baby. so many have told me, "just quit thinking about it." and i have seriously contemplated how to just quit thinking about it, damnit. i love all of you that have told me that, but haven't figured out a way to do that. but, then last night, some paths started clearing.

and then.
a sister-friend.
long story.
tied together via my little sister, and possibly her biggest brother, and somewhere in there my favorite teacher, and alittle weirdly, my husband. but REALLY tied together because that's just how God made it.
i have always loved her. i haven't really talked with her for years, for no other reason than no reason. but nevertheless, i have always made an effort to know about her... to know how she is. from the side, i have watched her blossom into an exquisite woman.
i am almost finished.
so she has apparently been watching me, too, lately. she knew about us working on a baby. she sent a story to me via my little sister, and a gift of one of her empty journals. (she is a truly gifted writer. i don't know how to hyperlink her in here...so go to rootsandwingsandmilesbetween.blogspot.com.)
the journal came to me a couple of months ago. finally, several days ago, i wrote in it. i think i just wrote 2 or 3 words. but it freed me up.

so really, this spill is my thank you note to the long legged cousin-in-law and both a thank you note and a farewell note to the sister-friend. she is getting ready to put on her wings.

good night.

happy flagbirthday mrs. richard. i love you.

2007-06-14T07:52:00.000-06:00

i love to love you. happy anniversary.

2007-05-31T13:28:00.000-06:00

dna

2007-03-27T20:55:00.000-06:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

big best friend birthday weekend. they are 2 and 32?!

2007-03-18T16:59:00.000-06:00

happy day matty!

2007-03-15T07:40:00.000-06:00

with all of my love love love always.
c

happy birthday mr. and mrs. campbell!

2007-03-04T19:13:00.000-06:00

love you. (so so much.)

for laura dear

2007-02-25T18:56:00.000-06:00

matt gave me a ski trip for christmas. we scheduled the trip 2 months ago for last week. it seemed like such the wrong time to go. i am transitioning out of my old job at work into a new job at work, as well as right in the middle of other junctures. matt's grandfather was admitted to the hospital the day we left. his grandmother was admitted while we were gone. regardless, we had committed to it, so went west as planned. selfishly, it was just what we needed.

this is a long story short narrative of why we went, who we went with and what we went there to see.
matt and i met each other in 7th grade because of a common friend, stuart. matt and i found each other (and then fell in love) 17 years later because of our common friend stuart's mom, laura.
my friendship with stuart dates back to 1979 or so, when our mothers started a playgroup for their 4 year olds, called "class of 93". shift 5, 10, 15 and now 28 years later, and there are plenty of stories about our friendship in different stages of our lives. he was and is a friend that a girl would classify and love and respect as brother.
matt almost literally grew up at stuart's house in grade school. matt and stuart have done most things in their life together, a good part of things apart in the past years, and now more recently, together again.
matt and i both, in very separate and unique ways, have always been connected to stuart's mom, laura. laura has always been matt's friend, not stuart's mom. as for my relationship with laura: as my dad has always said, "carrie and laura are neither right brained or left brained." really there's no way to explain our friendship, other than we don't have to utter a word for the other to know what the thought is.
2 years ago, laura met the love of her life. she left her old kentucky home. (her home was just as lovely as the real old ky home.... and i forgot to mention that she was matt's and my next door neighbor on top of all of the other history..)
anyway, she left her old kentucky home and went west to durango.
so we spent the last 5 days with stuart and his precious wife jen, laura and her love walter dear.

we went to bed early some nights, stayed up late talking on others.
we sat on the couches...listened to matt play songs he has composed on the piano and listened to walt play AWAY concertos and other classics.

we had an amazing southern brunch at deanie's house, the dear's neighbor. everyone in durango has a baby grand in a window looking out at the mountains. so at deanie's, walter played the piano more, and this round, i played the violin with him. i have known mr. dear remotely my whole life, but never knew he was a prodigy.

we spent 2 days skiing and snowboarding.

crazy cool medallions....
we spent most of the trip laughing uncontrollably at stuart and matt, as they recited all the comedies they memorized together when they were little.

matt designed his first pair of jeans several months ago. he has worn them every day since october, in order to wear them in naturally. a creek runs behind the dear's house, so matt washed his jeans for the first time in the creek.
before/never washed:

really... our trip to durango was just about all of the things that have kept us all tangled together for almost 30 years. and that is laura dear.

dear laura dear.
with our love always,
carrie and matt

happy birthday salt. love, pepper

2007-02-06T15:27:00.000-06:00

happy february 7, 1978

waiting for ella arbuckle

2007-02-05T15:44:00.000-06:00

it's almost time for ella arbuckle.
i am a TERRIBLE waiter.
allison. i wish we were closer to jacksonville.... you know we would be with you at home... doting all over you.
we would give you a pedicure and rub your shoulders and head.
we would go for walks, in hopes to speed things along.
we would ask you how you are feeling and what you are feeling change.
this picture is what i think you and john look like while you are waiting, sans bvi.
can't wait for ella. and then that leads you to kentucky. and then we won't have to worry that we are so far away from you anymore.
i love you.
c

a lightbulb went on, now off.

2007-02-05T10:23:00.000-06:00

several days ago, we committed to ourselves and to the earth, even if in beginner level, to do our part to save energy. meanwhile, we still drive a gas guzzling land rover discovery, i drive to work instead of walking 2 blocks, and i keep certain lights on in the house just because i like the mood.

several months ago, we watched al gore's "inconvenient truth". in my opinion, it is a very fact-based documentary that explains to us why the earth's glaciers are melting, how the polar bears are screwed, and why there is an increase in the heat records every year. again, in my opinion, the information is real and not a farce for political agenda. i felt severely effected by the data the night that we watched it, stayed up that night thinking about it, and then the next day, carried on with ridiculous, selfish consumption. 3 months later, still i (we) have done nothing.

so finally last week, the lightbulb went on (now we'll turn it off) - that we owe it to the earth to slow down the abuse.
again know that our household's list of efforts are just so tiny, but we decided to start little by little to make our habits stick....then hopefully soon someday, we'll go for a complete overhaul of our lifestyle.

our list for the short-term:
1. our recycle bin is full again from the past week's plastic and glass. our sweet little town offers a trouble-free pickup. why, for the past 6 months, did we stop using it? because we are selfish and lazy and often, unrightfully feel "untouchable". i think?

2. we unplugged our phone chargers. matt saw (we think from a reliable news source) that by unplugging 1 phone charger from the wall, we can save $200 per year. that would be $400 for our household, and that less energy consumed from the earth. other plug-ins with no "off/on" mechanism? we are looking into what else should be unplugged.

3. the lighbulbs. we had light bulbs on our grocery list. we took the plunge and bought energy-saving bulbs for just 3 dollars more for the 3 pack. BIG DEAL. they last 5 years! matt saw (again, from what we think is a reliable news source), that replacing 5 old energy guzzling 60watts with 5 new energy saving 13watt bulbs, decreases energy equivalant to taking 8 million cars of the road in a year's span. that sounds impossible. we are verifying the factoid, but regardless of the more or less 8 million cars, SWITCH THE LIGHTBULBS.
as for lighting strength: the 13watt is ALITTLE bit dimmer than a traditional 60 watt. i love that...but if you prefer brighter light, go up to the next wattage. www.environmentaldefense.org nicely identifies proper bulbs for proper lighting... dimmable, candelabra, three-way, yada yada.

4. recycled paper towels. we can't buy it at our new super wal-mart ofcourse. we will look at the health food stores this week, but most likely will buy online. SEVENTH GENERATION paper towels look good and seem to be reasonable, @ www.gaiam.com.

the end. (i mean, beginning.)
c

100 somethings i love in no order

2007-01-28T09:47:00.000-06:00

i love to take hot baths. i would rather be dirty than have to take a cold bath or a hot or cold shower.

i love to love my husband. i loved him in one form or another since 8th grade.

i love my black sweatpants that my mom gave me for my birthday in high school. it's the only material/clothing item i love. i wear them with tennis shoes, high heals, flip flops or boots. i wear them with a tshirt or a sweatshirt or a tank top or a sweater or even with a fur coat. year round. i wear them to work, to work in the yard, out to a movie, or even to sleep.

i love to be with my family. i love my husband again (and again) because he loves to be with my family. i would rather lay on my mom and dad's couch reading magazines and scrathing backs, over going to a ball.

i love my husband's family. both sets. i love when we are all together. not both sets all together. but each set together.

i love seasonal meals. homeade chicken pot pie for winter, canteloup wrapped in ham or prosuitto for spring, tomatoes with every meal for summer and burgoo with crushed up zesta crackers for fall.

i love to look at my husband's paintings. i can stare at them for long periods of time.

i love to re-do a space and create an ambiance.

i love to cone other's ears.

i love to go to work. i love to go to work especially when there is a big challenge for the day. i love our team. every one of them.

i love to go on road trips in rhonda's mini-van.

i love to even just go for a ride in town in the mini-van...just to talk.

i love to cook for others. i love the preparation. the more chopping and sauteing, the better.

i love to have parties at home.

i love to re-realize everyday that God is in control of everything, and i am in control of nothing. i have to re-realize it everyday, bc/ i so easily slip back into not belieiving that.

i love to change the colors that i love. i love shades of a color. i could eat a pantone book.

i love to mix old with new, modern with classic, shiny with flat.

i love front porches. if ever i am still alive old without my husband, i'll live in a house with a front porch with all my fab 5.

i love to love my sibling's children. helicopter aunt.

i love when they have sleep overs at our house. (forts and movies and snacks whenever they want them, and no bedtime regulations.)

i loved to play the violin. haven't played enough for years... but loved doing a recording with my husband last spring.

i loved my grandparents so much that i cry outloud or silently in my mind everytime a thought of them crosses my mind.

i love my husband's grandparents. there is something so revealing about learning from 2 generations down.

i love lighting. proper lighting. i cringe at flourescent lighting.

i love snow cream.

i love cheesy movies like STEP UP.

i love documentaries that teach us something that we otherwise wouldn't realize. (matt researches to find good ones for us all the time..)

i love that my great aunt kept diaries her whole life. and the closest i come to that is blogging?!

i love to be with my 4 best friends from high school, alone.

i love to do without.

i love to realize that we don't need much.

i love my brother and my 2 sisters. i have a distinctively different relationship with each of them. sometimes i love them so much that it hurts.

i love my unique silent friendship with kelle. one of those where we don't have to talk to communicate.

i love to constantly remind myself of all the bad things i have done/pain i have gone through to get to where i am today. what a ride!

i love the word "we".

i love my relationship with my dad. it spans from sitting on his bathroom counter every morning when i was little...talking to him while he shaved and got ready, to being really mean to him for 20 years, to then finally realizing that he was not the root of any of my problems... i was. now, there's no one i admire more.

i love my relationship with my mom. it spans from her loving me unconditionally from day of birth to now, but me being mean to her for 20 years. (once again - nothing to have been mad at her about...it was me.) she is absolutely the most lovely lady i know. i hope to "mother" just like her.

i love that my husband could be a rock star, but he's so humble that he would never think he could.

i love to look through anyone's picture albums.

i love to watch my best friends become such incredible parents to their children.

i love to remenisce the experience of living in istanbul for 3 years.

i love that i have been fortunate enough to have literally seen the world.

i love to now live in a small town.

i love that most of our family lives within 1 mile from our house.

i love to have time to drink coffee at home with my husband on sunday's before church.

i love to have coffee at matt's grandparents house and at his mom's house.

i love dairy queen grape mister misty freezes in the summer, around 9pm.

i love that everyone waves in our town.

i love that my mom has created and maintained so many traditions for us. (this pic is from cousin book swap 2006!)

i love to tell my little sister what i'm giving her for christmas or birthdays, before it's time.

i love murphy's oil soap on the wood floors.

i love layers.

i love bookstores that smell like coffee.

i love junkstores, if the smell is right.

i love buying junk, then de-junking every once in a while, and donating it back to the goodwill store.

i love picture walls.

i love big art.

i love glass, by stephen powell.

i love fine, plain white china.

i love centerpieces.

i love white panties, even though i usually don't wear any.

i love names. how in the world will we decide which one our babies get?

i love sitting in my mom's lap. i dream about a baby of ours sitting in her lap.

i love when mm and martha smack their lips when they eat, but anyone over 2 years old that smacks absolutely drives me up the wall. i really should go to rehab to deal with my issue with it.

i love targeting either alone or with friends or mom and sisters, but not with matt. www.target.com

i love laying by the pool, but don't like swimming in the pool.

i love the sea in the south of turkey, preferably on a sail boat for a long weekend.

i love turkish food. not only the taste, but the whole ceremony of serving and eating it.

i love costa rica...seeing it by 4-wheeler.

i love the shower in our costa rican bungalo. with walls, but no roof. it's the only showers i have ever loved.

i love cheese. anything from good imported cheese, to laughing cow triangles at sureway.

i love black leather moleskin squared notebooks. size large. 240 pages. i go through 1 every 2-3 months. www.modoemode.com

i love our local newspaper. www.thegleaner.com
however - i hate to read the new "post comments" section after every article. it is so sad to me to read the visciousness of people, hiding behind a screen name.

i love a simple barnes & noble, starbucks, double feature movie saturday.

i love branswager and cheese cracker sandwich with nu-grape in a bottle. haven't had it in years.

i love cold water with lime.

i love hot water with lemon and honey.

i love a plethora of white candles.

i love lale. she'll be my next blog.

grasping. grasping. getting hungry for dinner.
there's no good way to end this.
love.
c

un-frazzling

2007-01-03T22:00:00.000-06:00

today my dad asked me over and over again, "what is wrong, honey?"

i could only respond, "i am frazzled."

i really don't know what is frazzled. several weeks ago, we flew to nyc to get away for a long weekend (a surpirse from matt for my birthday). we just spent the past 2 holiday weeks thoroughly enjoying our family and friends. we are healthy, as is everyone we love. we have a lovely home and a crazy dog that is calming down, finally. we live 2 blocks away from our work, which conveniences us to run home to use the restroom, if we want. we live anywhere from a 1 block to 6 block radius to the majority of our family members. did i mention that i married my childhood friend and soul mate 7 months ago? everything in our life is really alittle too good to be true.

when i am frazzled, the thing that brings me back is to do something alone. so, i just sent matt to a movie and then to the airport to pick up his brother from india. i decided to stay home alone to take a quick night nap. (i must be tired? i never do that?) i just woke up and heated up a smorgesborg of leftovers from our new year's eve party. then, i thought, to un-frazzle - - maybe i would start a journal in the same journal that i never completely filled 18 years ago. (i just found it upstairs last week in a box of stuff...). instead, i'll attempt a blog. it might only last several sessions. i never know.

snapfish is aggravatingly slow lately. maybe i can share pics on this instead. where is the spell check on this thing?
i'm just realizing as i type what could be frazzling me. i am so fortunate to go to work everyday with a father, brother, a sister, 3 brother-in-laws, one of my best friends, and a husband. some wonder how it works...how could that many members of a family work together? well. it just works. it just does. i cannot imagine enjoying or excelling at anything else. quite frankly, the job saved my life 10 years ago. anyway - - i am just realizing that i never really think about much other than work because i feel so passionately about it, it is our family's livelihood, and (what i am really trying to say) - we are a newly-wed couple that is together literally 24 hours a day. matt decompresses with painting and studio recording sessions and discovery channel marathons. i should go to the gym, but for now, i think i need a blog to un-frazzle. OTHER THAN JEANS will be the title, and this will be the last time work is mentioned. wow. i already feel better.