Monday, September 10, 2007

the big blur

sometimes i can't remember what happened yesterday, much less remembering what was going on in our lives weeks and months ago. i have to read my blog to remember what has transpired in our own life!

the last week inparticular was a big blur. but looking back on it, it is refreshing to remember that generally, i feel so much better and so much more encouraged and so much more comfortable right now about......

last week was back to crazy into the late night/into the wee hours of morning work schedule. i have been working on a new project for the past month or so. last week was somewhat the debut of the project. it was a real pleasure to watch it all fall into place. out of the thousand different scopes of our business that i have been a part of, this project is my favorite.

the crunch of the work week didn't give matt or me time to think about what we had ahead of us for the weekend. so, not until friday night at dinner, did we talk about and read the instructions for an outpatient surgery that i would have the next day.
so, saturday morning, we headed to the hospital that i had not been admitted into since i was born there 33 years ago!
first part went ok: putting the hospital gown on.
second part went quickly downhill. i warned the nurses when we arrived that i would possibly be the worst patient they had ever experienced. i told them that if they could follow my strict directions about the bloodwork and iv - then i would be an angel after that.
they worked with me. i told them that i had a special trick about the blood taking. asked them to use a blood pressure cuff instead of the turnicate that MAKES ME CRAZY. then, i asked them to go ahead and put the iv in at the same time they took the blood. WAHLA. they did it. the only person physically and emotionally injured during the event was matt. i had him in a head lock, smelling his hair, to get me through it. someday, i hope to not be so frightened by needles and vains, but for now, this is how i get through it.

long story short... (and to pick up where i left you off a couple of months ago), we had a laproscopy procedure and HSG on that saturday 2 days ago to clean some things up inside that our specialist thought possibly could be getting in the way of our hope to start a family. i don't know how he knew it via a consultation, but his assumptions were right on.
the procedure lasted about 2 hours, i think. he found endometriosis, which was his original assumption. he lasered that out. there were several cysts in my uterus, and a tumor on my right tube. meanwhile, he flushed my tubes. now, all of the above.... gone. he puts it probably alot easier than it might be, but he said that now the coast is clear. it's sortof a funny, out of body feeling. i have not been able to walk so well in the past 2 days, have been full of gas up to my ears, literally. i have 3 insisions in my abdomen. and i know that the doctor tells us now we are ready to go. the out of body part is that i feel like after all of that, we are ready for the baby. but then i remember, now we have to start again trying to have it!

but now, for some reason, the rush and the anxiety and the frustration and the sadness of the past year and a half is gone... or atleast for now. we feel so blessed to be "cleaned up". now, i think we finally are really able to be in the place where we have tried find for a while. just living and loving each other. i pray for others in this similar situation to always find this place, too.
this blog is an update to my dear friends and best family, a vow to myself to throw away the thermometer, and a reminder note to my partner and best friend: i love you.